Why?

Why is it that sometimes I can respond with patience and caring to the daily snafus of child raising and then other times out comes monster mommy in response to something trite? Just when I think we are in a great space and I have managed to change the ways I interact with my girls, another day comes along to smash my fantasy into a million Corelle like shards. (Anyone who has ever actually broken one of these durable dishes knows that when they go, it's very large numbers of small, very sharp pieces.) This ties into the same lack of understanding of how sometimes I leave Mass feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and deeply grateful for God's place in my life and then other days, I just feel relieved to have survived. Days like today, when the message of keeping the spirit of Christmas charity and giving alive through out the whole year seems so applicable and rings true in my heart, and yet I still find myself interacting with my children in ways I am ashamed to admit, on the way out of the church parking lot! How many times I bow my head to petition for God's grace in embracing my station with joy and peace, only to feel the same need next week. Perhaps this is just my particular cross to bear, one that though I may accept, I hate that it is my children who suffer the consequences of my failures. Only days ago DH looked on with wonder at how I can patiently work through exasperating antics with no real effort and today I think my eyes were actually glowing red and shooting daggers over snowy boots. Lord grant me the serenity of peaceful consistency!